I'm amiss
Missing something
Not quite sure yet
So I begin to look at old scenes
Images frame
Reminding me of things before I forget
I’m torn
Between the old
And I how I want it to be
Tomorrow
I realize I miss you
Quite possibly more than I should
I miss you like the oyster
Before the irritant
I’m alive but there’s nothing of value
I’m cold like a reptile
I ache like the earth in the winter
Embracing the spring for the short while
I’m chasing other things
Running from dogs
Looking for the rhyme
And deducing a reason
Today I stand paralyzed by fear
Or is it indecision?
I’m looking in
Waiting for my heart to decide
I’m surprised I’m alive
By how dead
The language of my heart is
I’m not right
You couldn’t be stopped
I know why you left
So I watched you go
I was wrong
I’m a miss
Losing my masculinity
To stereotypes and ideas
I don’t care
As long as I have my shadow
My equal
I miss you like the oyster
Before it knew what land was
When I was clueless of the term “gasping”
I’m cold like a tile
Sharpened to a splinter
Embraced by a trial
I’m chasing nothing
So I’m empty when it’s caught
Running from gods
Wondering on the passage of time
Saddened by the passing seasons
I sit surprised by a tear
I hear Zeus beckoning for my return
I’m in shock
I thought I had heat exhaust
Here I am sweating by my very ducts
Do I lean back putting my feat up?
Do I dare try the trendelenburg?
The recumbent seems as viable as any
You weren’t wrong
I couldn’t be moved
You couldn’t understand why I stayed
You watched me over your shoulder
You were right
I’m amiss
Just walking around
Confused and possibly lost
Looking for something
Not anything
I miss you like the oyster
Before it knew it was an empty chest
Before it knew of potential
When it accepted limits
When value was for the dead
When it shunned the rough waters
Tumbling and tossing it about
Ignorant that impossible was nothing
I’m chasing an enigma
Or so it seems
I’m so damn tired
If it’s not my feet it’s my shins
It burns when I breathe
And I long when I rest
The wanting hurts more
So I add to the pounding
Until the only sound is hypoxia
It’s an irony that I’m chasing
And the fear I’m trying to escape
What if she doesn’t want me?
Can’t have me
Because I’m marred by the times
And the pearl an imitation
The rough waters just some tears
And the shell just a façade
How can she accept the truth
When I know nothing of honesty
And honestly I don’t know
Honestly who and what
Am I?
It’s too much to ask
It’s selfish
I’m just an enigma made of straw
You weren’t wrong
You were just the first
To see me
And to know me
I ruined it
It scared me
It made me smile
And oh so happy
Like Nicholas Sparks happy
You waited and now it's my turn
Epilogue: Obviously it was about a girl. A few of you know of her by name. And more of you think it's someone else. But most of you have know clue and that's fine. This piece was started quite nearly a year ago last september. Another drunk night with friends in a dorm room. I decided to write what I was feeling and today I finished with what I know. Hope it wasn't a complete waste of your time.