When A Butterfly Loses Its Wings
I swear it was life
But It's feeling more and more
Like a wet dream
No wonder why I'm drowning
Like a child that pissed the bed
I remember floating
Defying physics
I forgot how to spell
Gravitea
Everyone knows hope
Gave me flight
They forget that it can be poison as well
I'm that p a in in
that poison
Let me explain..
I've seen it all
Yet still search for my name
All the answers lie here
It's called my pride
And yesterday was a new scar
I'm not that rock
Though I sink like I am
I'm Thomas
That I have faith in
It's not that I was so high
But rather I saw how far I could fall
I did fall
Like I was flying down
I'm not that rock
I'm that feather
I fall slower
And take forever to hit
Bottom
Because I want I to die
And I don't know how
or why
I'm no good at maths
but last night I took some pills
And today I woke up
I'm not sure if I'm more sad/ upset
Tht ( blinked
Or that I didn't try hard enough
I can do better
And by better I mean worse
which means success
Double entendre
I'm not special
\ know this
I'm just an inkblot
Taking my own rorschach
Tossing around each thought
I see the pattern
It comes in threes
There's no end or beginning
just the middle
It's a cycle
And my thoughts are outside
the box
I feel that I'm close
But i'm not sure what
I'm gnashing my teeth
Like it's worth losing them
Pulling on these reigns
Am I fleeing
or chasing?
I don't know
And I'm not sure it matters
Anymore
As long as the sore
Makes sense
I hear the moans
I swam up the stream
\ see when my parents came
I don't hear my name
Or see their faces
But I see them when they left
And then i blink
And it's last night
I lost my compass
Left with only my mast right?
I don't dare set foot on the waters
I'm no christ
Or son of Peter
The cycle resumes
I'm brought back all too soon
When things begin to fall back into focus
Now they just fall apart
i'm searching for a break
I found myself broken
I see all the choices
And how it lead here
Whatever the deviation they all lead back
All other realities cease to exist
I am the constant
I could have eight lives left
Or one
How would I remember the number each time I come back
Each time feels like the first
What a shame
To be stuck with this curse
My voice hasn't been used in a while
It's grown hoarse
I thought myself a thoroughbred
Not a slice of bleached wheat
but authentic and genuine in my claims
Royal by blood not names
it seems however my decibels couldn't break through
or scale the walls of politics
So I fell alone
And there was no one to see me drop
It was a silent crash
And the shotgun blast was dumb
No novocaine
or cocaine
could compare to this feeling of numb
I was denied acknowledgement
but I was put down like a Kentucky Derby Legend
I can't blame them
My actions betrayed my pain
I kept my tremors in
And let loose my rage
I arrested them in silence
And only I knew the sign language
These are the three parts
On repeat
They have me on a closed circuit
i'm not grounded
But i'm searching for wings
Just wings
Halos are pointless things
They don't take you anywhere
They're just for pharisees
And the banging of gavels
I'd rather have the sight
Of twenty
Staring back at two-hundred
I remember the feeling
Of small fingers rubbing together
I saw their pupils dilate with love and excitement
As my scales gave way to their touch
They mixed them into a paste
And their strokes gave way to a broken masterpiece
Like my dad's
A bastardpiece
The real night terrors swirl around
With wings of demons
But stand as eternal p illars
Are my memories of a butterfly just lifted dreams?
Maybe I'm just a Pontius just trying to dry my hands?
Tired of the weight
Am I just a bastard?
That lost his peace
We've* been trying to kill some parts of ourselves
First time I've wondered
If the art was worth the paint?
If my therapy would kill me?
Maybe it ain't
Maybe the people that try
or succeed at suicide
Already knew how it went
And decided to skip to the end
