I’m in such a weird mood
I feel like I have so much to ask
I feel like I’m making so many mistakes
The only one decision I know not to be one is you
But you make feel I’m fucking that up too
I’m not surprised because I feel like I’ve ruined so much
But I don’t want this to be added to the list
I never knew being honest would hurt so much
Not you but at times I know it pains me
I don’t know what I’m doing
I don’t really know what you like
Or if you even like what I do
I’ve decided I don’t like these feelings
When I’m away from you
But at the end of the day
It does make me feel somewhat happy
Knowing someone out there maybe feeling the same
Maybe
I think I’m trying to pace myself
I’ve been trying to calm my heart
I’m trying to keep myself level headed
I’m trying to brace for the worse
So I’m ready when my heart’s broken
Maybe there’ll be less pieces shattered
This round
Maybe because I placed less in your hands
So the remaining don’t hit the ground
You’re so distant
You’re too good at this game
There’s nothing there to break my hands are empty
That’s fair you don’t know me
Why would you trust me
I wouldn’t
My hands tremble at the mention of organs
If it’s not glass
I’m sure to rip it apart
Why? It’s a full moon
And it’s a heart
I’m not sure if you’re just waiting
Busy with your books and friends
And one day realize I’m a waste
You’ll want something to wash out that taste
How about a bitter end?
When are you going to look up?
After this test
Or the next
When will you realize I’m lacking
Far from the best
Not even close to what you deserve
I’m just a raging tempest
You tell yourself
I’ll pass
You may be right
Some things were tossed and shook
Priorities were put in their place
Maybe it’s a story or just a chapter in the book
But I’ll never know unless you finish it
With me
That’s all I ask
Epilogue: A forgotten piece found in my archives from December 2014. Interesting what was going through my mind then. I literally wrote the future into existence. Obviously my mind knew what my heart wanted to ignore. And we don't trust people so much or easily now.